Feedback may be painful but it is critical for equity and inclusion
When I first started doing DEI consulting, I have to say I didn’t expect that so much of what we do would be about opening up spaces so our clients can gather feedback from across their staff.
However, it has proven to be one of the most valuable aspects of our work.
What we’ve realized is that we are hired to uncover the truths that may be painful for organizations to hear but that have the potential to be transformative if only they are open to it.
It is certainly not a process to be undertaken lightly, and to be honest, not every organization is ready for it.
Feedback can be painful to hear. Within the hierarchical structures that we are all socialized into and trained to operate within, candid feedback, especially when provided within an open forum, can feel like nothing short of an attack.
It can be easy to take feedback personally, or to think of it as negative, complaining, divisive or based on misperceptions. Even as leaders, it can trigger our own traumas of being criticized, attacked or told we’re not good enough, which is why it is important to consider how trauma and power intersect.
Alternatively or in addition, those aligned with power and privilege often have been socialized to expect a certain right to comfort which comes with a fear of open conflict as defined in the Characteristics of White Supremacy Culture by Tema Okun and her team.
What often results is that “when someone raises an issue that causes discomfort, the response is to blame the person for raising the issue rather than to look at the issue which is actually causing the problem.”
Oooof. We’ve seen this a lot and been on the receiving end of it ourselves.
We do our best to providing coaching and scaffolding for leadership so they are prepared and able to hear the feedback, even when it’s expressed in a way that feels “disrespectful.”
It is not the job of those who are less aligned with power and privilege to frame their feedback in a way that is not going to hurt the feelings of those in power, although BIPOC staff, especially women of color, often have to expend a great deal of energy and make careful calculations as to when they speak up and how in order not to be further penalized for doing so. Fear of retaliation is one of the biggest reasons staff tell us they don’t speak up, and although leadership may think they prefer it this way, it is actually to the detriment to an organization, especially if making a genuine commitment to shifting towards equity and inclusion.
You can’t do DEI work without being open to feedback from staff.
We like to suggest that feedback is a gift - honestly, the way we see it, it’s pure gold.
The Characteristics of White Supremacy Culture has some great suggestions as antidotes to fear of open conflict:
avoid taking take everything personally;
welcome honest and hard feedback as the gift it is, knowing that people could so easily choose to stay silent and talk about you behind your back rather than gift you with their truth about how your attitudes and/or behavior are causing a problem;
when you have a different point of view, seek to understand what you're being told and assume there is a good reason for what is being said; seek to find and understand that good reason (without labeling the other person);
remember that feedback and criticism may be skillful or unskillful and either way, it will not kill you;
remember that critical feedback can help you see your conditioning as you learn to separate your conditioning from who you actually are; you need to know your conditioning if you are going to be free; while your conditioning is hazardous, you are not.
Gathering honest feedback doesn’t mean it should just be a free-for-all though. To do so responsibly while minimizing harm, especially for those with less contextual power, requires creating trust and safety first - we use the term “brave safe space.” It’s a process, and we facilitate with our clients in phases, through surveys, 1:1 interviews, and small group meetings.
Back in the old days of pre-pandemic times, we also used to use a lot of post-its. Now one of the most powerful tools we use to gather feedback in larger virtual group settings is via a tool such as Padlet which allows for anonymous but transparent live feedback and conversations.
The feedback is often braver and more candid in this forum because of the anonymity... and if your staff is only willing to give candid feedback anonymously, that is data to consider in and of itself. It’s not just a culture of fear that can cause staff to be reluctant to speak - a culture of what we call “toxic positivity” can also cause reluctance.
However, what we’ve found is that staff can find a huge amount of connection and relief in this kind of community conversation. Comments that might be hard to hear tend to be followed by much more positive appreciation and gratitude to the organization for providing the forum to speak up. Sometimes the outpouring of appreciation after a particularly tough round of sharing surprises even us, but we’ve seen that in can go along way to building trust.
Feedback can be thought of as data - incredibly valuable data that will help drive important shifts for the organization in alignment with its mission, values and intentions, if space can be created for it to be heard and understood.
As Malaika Aaron-Bishop, our Director of Client Services, likes to say, feedback creates the pathway to what you're going to do.
Of course, that requires actually doing something with the feedback, so while collecting it is a step in the right direction, it can’t stop there.
Sometimes it’s the actions to create results. None of this has to be facilitated externally but it can be helpful, and we have a DEI strategic planning process that is designed to take what we consider to be brainstorming from all the feedback and turn it into key priorities and a roadmap for implementation.
How is your organization gathering feedback from staff?
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