We write weekly on the issues that are top of mind for us as we do the work of driving equity, shifting culture and co-creating inclusion with our clients. To receive these posts via email, join our free weekly email series, Self-coaching for DEI advocates and leaders.
A friend shared some wisdom a coach had shared with her once - some wounds are not ours to heal.
This stuck with me because for the longest time, I thought ALL wounds were mine to heal.
I’ve become very conscious of how women of color, and especially Black women, are socialized to taken on everyone’s emotional burdens and healing except our own, when really the only wounds that are ours to heal are our own.
Read MoreWhite people self-righteously declaring that “violence is never the answer” is… not a good look. The utter hypocrisy when white culture and white American culture was FOUNDED on violence is entirely predictable yet exhausting just the same. The ENTIRE PREMISE of whiteness is violence. Whiteness was created explicitly and purposefully to justify and perpetuate violence.
So yeah.
Read MoreOf all the pieces I’ve read about Supreme Court nominee Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson’s confirmation hearings, this article by Elie Mystal hit particularly hard: Ketanji Brown Jackson’s Long Pause Explained Racism and Sexism in America.
The article nails so much, from describing Ted Cruz as “the office manager who never learned how to use PowerPoint” to “the small-minded and condescending white people arrayed against her” on the Senate Judiciary Committee and the experience of watching her being put through “crucible of white approval.”
Oooof.
Read MoreIt’s been a tough week of news out of Ukraine.
I have been trying to take special care and to be aware of the different and perhaps invisible ways that we all might be variously impacted, on top of everything else that is going on. I am noticing my responses, managing my energy, and trying to stay focused on where I can make a difference.
As the days passed though, I’m noticing other things.
Read MoreI’ve been experiencing a huge wave of grief lately.
Some of it is personal, some of it is systemic.
It’s painful, this deep and abiding grief.
Read MoreSomething that struck me this week is that it is a common belief amongst white people and an underlying default assumption that racism is about hate.
When they say they “don’t have a racist bone in their body” they mean what they also sometimes say which is that their “heart is full of love.” When asked why racism should be eradicated, they say it’s because “everyone deserves to be loved.”
Do white people really think that people of color don’t experience love? That we don’t feel loved? That we experience love less than white people do?
Read MoreI've also been thinking a lot about the systemic and intergenerational roots of trauma, hyper-vigilance, anxiety, over-responsibility and depression.
I am becoming more and more aware of how, as women of color, we are socialized to make ourselves over-responsible for.... everything. And we don’t just make ourselves over-responsible - we are made over-responsible, used as workhorses while being undermined, dismissed, devalued and uncredited.
And those of us with kids in a pandemic are not ok.
Read MoreThe topic of invisible work has been coming up a lot lately.
Invisible work has been an undergirding principle of capitalism, patriarchy and white supremacy since the beginning of time immemorial - and it is deeply embedded into every aspect of US history and the ongoing legacy of a country founded on slavery, genocide and colonization.
Of course, at the inception of this country, it wasn’t just invisible work, it was the violently coerced labor of chattel slavery without which this country could not have built a viable economy, infrastructure or culture.
That legacy lives on today - we no longer have slavery but we still have invisible work.
Read MoreCan we talk about white violence?
Can we talk about white parents who bought their son a gun as an early Christmas gift?
Can we talk about the kind of white entitlement where a parent either assumes their son won't harm others or doesn't care that he might?
Read MoreLast week I wrote about my experiences with some IDEO design thinking courses and highly recommended them. However, one of our readers, Malla Haridat, very generously reached out to note that IDEO has had some serious conversations pop up around DEI that I should know about.
Yikes.
And sigh.
I have to admit I was not aware, and absolutely should have done my research, especially before making a recommendation. I regret that Malla had to reach out and let me know.
Read MoreOoof. It came to my attention earlier this week that an architect had resigned from UCSB's Design Review Committee over the university's proposed Munger Hall Project, a giant monstrosity of a student housing project where 94 percent of the 4,500 students would not have windows in their small single-occupancy rooms. Further, these rooms would be grouped into suites of 8 bedrooms per one bathroom. Oh and those 4,500 students? There would only be 2 exits to the building.
How could this be? Well, as the article explains, "The idea was conceived by 97-year-old billionaire-investor turned amateur-architect Charles Munger, who donated $200 million toward the project with the condition that his blueprints be followed exactly."
Did I say ooooof already?
Read MoreA couple of weeks ago I found myself walking down the street in tears about something that happened to my family almost two years ago.
The anger, the rage, the hurt - it was so present, it surprised me.
Why was it coming up now?
It was because another family was experiencing something similar within the same community, even though for completely different reasons, and even though the community was now under different leadership.
Read MoreI’m finding it increasingly obvious yet horrifying nonetheless how how quickly one’s needs stop being prioritized as soon as you no longer fall into the middle of the bell curve.
Your safety isn’t prioritized, not necessarily because people don’t care, but because systems aren’t designed that way.
Read MorePretty much everyone I know is exhausted. There is still a pandemic, yet we're pushing forward with school and many office re-openings as though everything is normal.
Even for those of us in best case scenarios where we are seeing our kids come back to life again with regards to learning, the transition has been hard and a HUGE cognitive load.
Read MoreBetween the ongoing global pandemic and the Delta variant, the situation in Afghanistan, Hurricane Ida hitting Louisiana, as well as all of the usual horrors of the world, vacation feels like the last thing to be thinking about.
The fact is, in the midst of our team's August "retreat month" where our team puts a pause on external facilitation, meetings or calls, I just returned from a 2.5 week "vacation."
Yeah, those scare quotes are no joke.
What even is "relaxing" in a global pandemic? I feel like I've completely forgotten how.
Read MoreIf there is any lesson that the pandemic hammered home, it's something that has always been true but seems more so than ever: uncertainty is certain.
If uncertainty is certain - how can we design for uncertainty? How can we prepare ourselves and others for uncertainty? How can we create predictability and consistency with the context of uncertainty?
Read MoreOne of the things we're seeing through our work is that today’s recent graduates are entering the workforce with entirely different (and in my view completely appropriate) expectations... and they are getting CRUSHED. It might be a long slow boil or it might be quick and decisive but either way, it is pretty horrifying.
Read MoreWith Juneteenth now a federal holiday, a decision made on Thursday, the day before the Friday that would mark the holiday (I mean come on now!) many Black folks and others have been expressing mixed feelings about this development.
Unrelated to Juneteenth, our team has been having a lot of conversations lately with white leaders and their BIPOC staff about tokenism, performance, lip service, hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance. There is a HUGE toll to pay when actions and impact are out of alignment with professed values. It is EXHAUSTING.
Read MoreI'm still in a space where I am thinking a lot about grief and trauma, and not just thinking about it but feeling it myself at a variety of different levels
Maybe the grief of the pandemic is making all the other grief feel closer to the surface and easier to access, but I'm seeing so many layers to my own grief and to the grief of others. In many ways, the work of diversity, equity, and inclusion is the work of holding space for the hurt and harm of white supremacy and other systems of oppression while also figuring out how to create space for healing, recovery, and growth.
Read MoreBy Malaika Aaron-Bishop
The thing about rage is that it leaves in its wake a kind of emptiness. For me, this emptiness is in some ways more debilitating than all the swirling, vengeful chaos that came before. Sometimes, all I can manage is to crawl into the darkness and hold on.
Outside, there is a hush, but even in the quiet there is evidence of broken trust, generations of social contracts violated. Shards of glass in shades of green and red and brown; bits of rubber, burnt and frayed; a mangled barricade hapless, and cast aside; bits of cloth lost among fallen leaves and branches; we all mingle among dust and debris. Where once there were people risking their lives and livelihoods to demand justice for themselves and their communities, there are only warped canisters, used and discarded, laying forlorn among the gutters. Some still dribble faint pools, stinging with shame, while the children and elders accosted and demonized for performing their civic duties go home to wash their eyes.
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