Now is a good time to focus on needs
As DEI consultants, we hold space for a lot of grief and trauma. In 2021 alone so far, our team has conducted almost 50 one-on-one interviews with staff, not to mention countless hours of small group meetings and sessions, workshop facilitation and DEI coaching.
Staff of all backgrounds, identities and levels of power and privilege are carrying a lot of hurt. We create space for them to say the things they cannot say elsewhere in the workplace. By creating anonymity (we do not disclose to our clients who we have interviewed) staff can be more candid, knowing they are protected while also knowing that we will take our findings back to the organization. It's not just venting.
It is not unusual for there to be unexpected tears as pain finds voice and a venue, but our interviews are often unexpectedly joyful. There is joy, relief and even laughter in confronting and speaking the truth.
Interviewees often tell us that talking with us is like therapy, even though we are very clear that we are NOT licensed and trained therapists. It's not just the people of color either - white men in leadership often tell us the same thing. An ongoing conversation on our team is about how we take care of our own mental wellbeing and capacity, as well as team with trauma-informed therapists.
Right now the entire world is processing trauma and grief from the pandemic, although the magnitude, scale and texture of that grief varies wildly. Systemic inequities have been exacerbated to the degree that different people even within the same community may have and continue to have very different experiences.
The workplace wasn't designed for diversity, equity, or inclusion. What our interviews with staff have shown us over and over is how much goes unsaid in the workplace. Even those who have the most power and privilege lack the safety and space to say what is really going on for them. Staff carry hurts with them for years, sometimes decades, while those who perpetrated the hurt never gave it a second thought. Those who don't fit dominant identities have to do so much work to pretzel themselves into a system that not only wasn't designed for them but was actively designed to target and exclude them.
When there is no room for pain to be acknowledged and addressed, it goes sideways. Hurt people hurt people, so the saying goes. In solving for our own trauma, we fail to see how we are causing harm to others, and usually on those who systemically have less power than us.
So much pain and misunderstanding arises out of assumptions that are made because of things left unsaid. I'm not joking when I say that this can go on for decades. Getting a different job doesn't necessarily solve things either, as we carry the baggage with us, nor does a person leaving, when the hurt and the culture that enabled the hurt remains.
There are no easy answers, but creating the space for people to speak hard truths and for their hurt to be acknowledged is a critical step. This doesn't mean that people have to relive and share their traumas in very public ways - there are all kinds of ways to create this space that protect privacy and are based on consent. Harm also points to unmet needs. When people can connect with their agency and identify needs, an organization can go about meeting those needs in ways that benefit the organization as well as the individuals within it.
Needs can be hard to identify. My observation as a parent is that kids are pretty good at it, but years upon years of needs not being met mean that we stop bothering to even try and identify them. We often get asked in coaching sessions, "so, what's an example of a need I might have?"
What never ceases to amaze me though is the difference that opening up a space can make. When you create a baseline level of safety for someone and SHOW them (not just TELL them) that their voice is valued, that there is space for them to be who they are, and that their basic needs will be met, the difference can be quite remarkable. Our clients notice and comment on it.
Of course, this requires not just lip service but action and results for the impact to be sustained. But the impact doesn't just benefit the individual - it benefits the organization by way of increased engagement, creativity and innovation. Needs unmet and potential unrealized turns into needs met and potential unleashed (and by the way, unearned privilege also created unrealized potential - but that's a topic for another day).
As our lives start to open up again in this stage of the pandemic, now is good time to create the space to re-evaluate needs through a lens that takes into account systemic oppression and inequities that we all benefit, albeit differently, from dismantling.
Now is a good time to think about who has been given the least space for their humanity to be recognized within the workplace and to take steps to redress the situation.
Now is a good time to resist the urge to double down on the status quo of hierarchy, paternalism, and control and to create a culture that addresses rather than afflicts suffering.
What we are hearing staff asking for is that we don't just prioritize the "sexy" DEI initiatives that look good on instagram and in PR campaigns or even in grant proposals and instead focus on the "low hanging fruit" of treating staff, ALL staff, as human beings. What do they need to do their best work, to connect to their agency, and to feel welcome, safe and valued?
Banner photo by Ochir-Erdene Oyunmedeg on Unsplash
Self-coaching for DEI Advocates and Leaders
Join me for a free weekly email series and check-in on co-creating real and lasting shifts towards diversity, equity, inclusion and antiracism at your company or organization. Sign up here.