Grief and trauma
I'm still in a space where I am thinking a lot about grief and trauma, and not just thinking about it but feeling it myself at a variety of different levels.
As we continue to take steps towards recovery, I'm finding a lot of retroactive grief is coming up about the things we never even realized we missed.
I rode the subway for only the second time since the pandemic.
I had lunch with another fully vaccinated friend and because it was so hot outside, we ended up eating indoors.
Some of my son's friends from fourth grade got together in the park and I caught up with parents I haven't seen in over a year, or even longer.
The things that were safe were then unsafe, and now they are safe again and it's a lot to process.
Maybe the grief of the pandemic is making all the other grief feel closer to the surface and easier to access, but I'm seeing so many layers to my own grief and to the grief of others. In many ways, the work of diversity, equity, and inclusion is the work of holding space for the hurt and harm of white supremacy and other systems of oppression while also figuring out how to create space for healing, recovery, and growth.
Some of the healing strategies that have worked best for me and for many of our clients include:
Naming and acknowledging the hurt as well as patterns, gaps, behaviors and harms
Confronting the truth rather than being in denial
Connecting to agency - what can I change, what can't I change, what won't I change?
Creating space to feel my feelings
Morning pages - daily stream-of-consciousness journaling that centers on my voice before I start the day
Relentless self-reflection - building in time and systems for daily, weekly, monthly processing and reflection
Reminding myself that we are all inherently worth and do not have to defend or prove our worthy
Avoiding finger pointing that puts me into self-righteousness and victim blaming, while also avoiding making myself over-responsible
Staying in my lane and speaking from my perspective
Breathing, meditation and mindfulness - this sounds the most froo froo but is actually based in science (see Burnout for more). As I've learned to be more present and aware of my body, I've also learned to process emotions and experiences through my entire body. It has been so strange but helpful to experience.
It's important to note, though, that as with anything, grief and trauma are not things that can only be addressed at the individual level. We also need to look at creating systems, organizations and cultures that heal rather than create or exacerbate trauma.
And that, as I said, is in many ways the work of diversity, equity, and inclusion.
Self-coaching for DEI Advocates and Leaders
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