Willing but unable
Something we encounter in our DEI work with client organizations is what we have started calling “willing but unable” - folks who really want to do the hard work of integrating DEI into everything they do but are unable to do so.
Of course, every time we say that, I find myself thinking, but are they really willing, though?
And if they are so willing, what is getting in the way?
We’ve talked about how committing to DEI as a concept is not the same as committing to it as a practice. And we’ve talked about how change requires not just an appetite but an aptitude and what that looks like.
Something I’m realizing though is that sometimes it is the “willingness” that is getting in the way of the ability to create change in the direction of equity and inclusion.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that people should become less willing! But it’s about the type of willingness and what the driver beneath it is.
The type of willingness that most often seems to become an obstacle is where we become so personally invested that we don’t have the critical distance to step back and use discernment to identify actions to be taken to create a path towards impact that is alignment with our intentions.
A willingness that is still incredibly self-centered focuses on our own needs to appear to be “one of the good ones.” Rooted in the people pleasing, approval and external validation seeking that systems of oppression have socialized us into, it can be easy to slip into saviorism and matrydom.
White supremacy culture makes it hard for us to see beyond our own self-interest.
And yes, I am especially talking about white people and those who otherwise align with dominant culture, power and advantage.
BIPOC folks on the other hand are often more deeply socialized the other way - to center on the needs of everyone but ourselves. To not only be responsible for everyone else but to put everyone else first. Often this is not out of altruism but for safety and survival. Other times, different cultural backgrounds do put more emphasis on family or community.
The truth is that neither centering on our own needs or centering on the needs of others is healthy, for ourselves or for our communities.
It’s once again a false dichotomy, when instead it is helpful to think about both/and.
How can we advocate for our own needs while also centering on the self-identified needs of others, particularly those who are more deeply impacted by systems of oppression?
How can we see that these needs are not necessarily divergent? That it’s not a zero sum game? That equity and inclusion benefit everyone? That perpetuating inequities towards others diminishes our own humanity?
It’s not realistic to ask or expect people to give up their own self-interest. We are all self-interested after all - it is part of being human.
What I’m interested in is how we can work together for the liberation of us all.
“If you have come here to help me you are wasting your time, but if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”
Lilla Watson
Banner photo by Kasper Rasmussen on Unsplash
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