Patience as a catalyst for change
People often think that DEI work is about race - at its most demonized, the misconception is that it’s about making white people believe they and the US are inherently racist. At its best it is often thought to be about how to hire more Black and other people of color so that the staff is more reflective of the communities they serve.
It is absolutely not the former, and the latter is only a very small part.
I’m not even sure I knew it when I started out, but what I’ve come to find is that, for me at least, DEI work is about healing - healing from the trauma and harm of systems of oppression.
Which means it’s also about change - about shifting towards equity and inclusion.
Change work is hard though.
Personally, I love change. As the immigrant daughter of immigrant parents, change feels hard wired into me. When the status quo doesn’t favor you, change is a whole lot more appealing. As a creative at heart, with my training and experience in architecture and design, I’m also energized by change as the vehicle for creative transformation. I get excited when I can see possibilities and I can see the steps it would take to get there… and sometimes, ok maybe often, I get impatient.
What I’m learning is hard for me about change is the slow pace of it - and that I mostly don’t get to control it. In fact, pushing the pace can counterintuitively slow things down.
Just because I can see the steps doesn’t mean that people will take them - or that they are even the right steps. I don’t have the inside track on the right way to do things.
I am learning that there is something blissful - sacred even - about patience.
Sometimes the more we scream the less we can be heard. The more we push the more others push back. The more we entrench, the more others entrench.
Instead we can give other people the dignity of making their own choices. This doesn’t mean we are doormats - we get to make our own choices too, including choices based on the choices that others make. We can articulate our needs and know what we will do if they are not met.
We can pave the way for change - we can clear the path, we can remove the obstacles, we can lead the way, we can provide snacks and drinks, and we can invite others along.
But if we try to force them? What I’ve found is that it’s just not possible, nor is it equitable or inclusive.
Again, that doesn’t mean that people aren’t held accountable for their actions or for the harm they may cause along the way. It doesn’t mean we can’t influence or impact the rate of change - we absolutely can. We can drive change. We can facilitate change. We can co-create change. What we can’t do is control it, not when it involves anyone more than ourselves (and even then it’s not always in our control)
This is actually good news. It isn’t easy, but letting go of what we cannot control gives us a lot more energy to focus on what we can control and actually allows us to be less burnt out in DEI work and thus more effective. It can help us be more realistic about where we can make a difference.
Yes, we have to dream of the impossible. And sometimes we can achieve the impossible. AND transformative change is a community effort that far transcends the control of any one of us. Sometimes stepping back is what allows the miracle to happen. Sometimes patience is the catalyst for change.
Banner photo by Greg Rosenke on Unsplash
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