The hypocrisy of “violence is never the answer”
White people self-righteously declaring that “violence is never the answer” is… not a good look. The utter hypocrisy when white culture and white American culture was FOUNDED on violence is entirely predictable yet exhausting just the same. The ENTIRE PREMISE of whiteness is violence. Whiteness was created explicitly and purposefully to justify and perpetuate violence.
So yeah.
It’s not just the hypocrisy - the erasure of white violence is violence in and of itself. White women in particular have historically and continue to play a very specific role in putting a bow on white violence and prettying it up. White women are 100% complicit with their condescension, tears and fragility. That is not to say that white women haven’t experienced trauma at the hands of patriarchy - including physical, verbal and emotional violence and abuse - they absolutely have.
However, that trauma often becomes further weaponized to perpetuate violence against people of color.
I’ve been reading “The Four Pivots: Reimagining Justice, Reimagining Ourselves” by Shawn A. Ginwright, PhD, who speaks from his perspective as a researcher, a youth activist and a Black man - actually I’ve been listening to the audio after hearing him interviewed by Brene Brown on her podcast. I love all of the pivots, but the first one, the pivot from lens to mirror, feels very relevant here.
Ginwright describes how mirror work requires us to look inward at ourselves, to self-reflect in order to support our collective healing and shifting of culture.
Insight, for example, which he describes as one of the most difficult areas of mirror work, requires us to "build our individual and collective capacity to observe ourselves even while in the vicious grips of racism, patriarchy, homophobia, and other forms of oppression. Insight is not a retreat from fighting racism, confronting patriarchy, and dismantling homophobia—on the contrary, it makes our efforts better and more effective.”
Ginwright also talks about truth telling as one of the important outcomes of mirror work.
“Telling the story of what happened is both political, because it provides a counternarrative about injustice or oppression, and personal, because sharing the story empowers, heals, and validates the storyteller. Again we see here the relationship between truth, liberation, and freedom, “the truth shall set you free.”
It’s easy to want to condemn someone’s actions. Self-righteousness is one helluva drug. It can feel good to point the finger, when in fact all that constitutes is an abdicating of agency.
How can we heal the world if we aren’t healing ourselves?
And that healing requires the mirror work of self-reflection, insight, and truth-telling.
As Ginwright says:
“So much of our efforts for social change have been outward looking. We have focused on changing systems, laws, and policies in our society that create inequality and suffering. External work is necessary but still insufficient because we also need a process of healing our inner world that has been damaged, harmed, and injured by social inequality. Social transformation is also an inside job, and there is a relationship between our individual healing and social transformation, and the two cannot be separated.”
Banner photo by Forest Simon on Unsplash
Self-coaching for DEI Advocates and Leaders
Join me for a free weekly email series and check-in on co-creating real and lasting shifts towards diversity, equity, inclusion and antiracism at your company or organization. Sign up here.