Say the thing

We know that feedback can be hard to hear.

It is perhaps one of the hardest things we ask leaders and others who align with power and privilege within their identities and their organizations to do when we do DEI work.

In some ways our work could be summarized by explaining that:

Our clients hire us to gather feedback that then makes them want to fire us but that is incredibly valuable and has the power to transform their organization if only it can be heard.

It’s the organizations that can work through the tough process of hearing difficult feedback that often make the most progress in shifting workplace culture to better serve their mission. We do a lot of scaffolding so leaders understand that feedback is a gift, even if you don’t like the wrapping paper, that it isn’t personal, that systems of oppression, although they manifest differently, show up in every organization, and that in order to change something, you first have to be able to name it.

We know feedback can feel “negative” but we like to reframe it as “heavy hitting.” It is hard to hear but can actually lead to very beneficial outcomes because it points to where change can be most impactful.

But there is no getting around it - hearing it is tough, especially when we may have to confront the fact that our intentions are not creating the impact we thought.

If you can’t hear the feedback, you’re dead in the water.

But hearing it is just the beginning.

People often want to get right to the response - what are we going to do to fix this? We are socialized to do this. Those of us who are good at solving problems have often been greatly rewarded for doing so.

First, though, there needs to be acknowledgement - you need to acknowledge what you’ve heard.

You need to say the thing.

Or at least let us say it for you.

Listen, we get it, you just got through the highly uncomfortable process of hearing feedback from staff across the organization. Do we really need to go through that discomfort by reflecting back what we heard? Didn’t everyone already hear it when it was first given? Won’t it be redundant? Besides which, we are already working on those things, shouldn’t we wait until we’ve addressed them before we say anything?

In our opinion and experience, yes, and no, and no, and no.

Say the thing.

Even if the feedback was collected openly and publicly through staff wide workshops, people need to know that it was heard, and analyzed and summarized.

And they need to know that they have been heard, not just by leadership but by their colleagues.

And this may require saying it a few times, in different ways, through different mediums, and in different settings.

Sometimes we debrief on our findings in small groups, for example leadership, the Board, BIPOC staff and white staff. This allows us to speak to the needs and perspectives of certain groups before bringing everyone back together so everyone also gets to hear the same thing at the same time. This helps us workshop and refine how we are delivering our findings, and the feedback we get is often that people can better hear it the second time, or they get a deeper understanding and a different perspective than the first time. The first time often surfaces defensiveness and fragility - the second time fosters understanding.

But even if you don’t need to do it twice, you should at least do it once.

There are varying costs to staff who speak up and provide feedback, in time, energy, effort and calculation of risk. When an organization takes the time to reflect back what they heard, and not just the easier stuff but the heavy hitting stuff, we believe that the discomfort of doing so is outweighed by the benefits gained from building psychological safety and brave safe space. You are indicating to your staff that their feedback has been heard and is considered valuable and appreciated. It’s an important step and investment towards building diversity, equity and inclusion.

We know that leaders would rather not. We’ve been asked to edit or take out slides, or to skip the all-staff and just send out an email.

We get that you’d rather poke your eyes out with sticks than have to repeat back the uncomfortable feedback that reflects some things you’d rather sweep under the rug and quietly fix (or not) while hoping most people didn’t even know there were problems in the first place.

We know it feels counterintuitive and you just don’t want to do it because you don’t see how it will help.

We know you’ve been socialized into conflict avoidance.

You don’t have to like it, you don’t have to trust us, and you don’t have to follow our recommendations.

But here’s what we have found to be true - not saying it doesn’t make it any less true. Not saying it doesn’t make it any easier to fix. Not saying it isn’t doing the real work of equity and inclusion, it’s avoiding it.

And that’s ok, you might not be ready.

But let’s just at least be honest about that.

And let me just say that as uncomfortable as it may be, the benefits of saying the thing are multitudinous.

• You become free of the fear of saying the thing

• You model transparency, accountability and follow-through

• You surprise staff by your willingness to say the thing and this builds trust and fosters collaboration

• You create community accountability - this is not just yours to fix

• You’re taking a meaningful and impactful step towards collective healing and co-creating inclusion

Banner photo by Claus Grünstäudl on Unsplash

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