Creating a trauma-informed personal safety plan
Trauma is everywhere, both “big T” and “little t” trauma, much of which has been exacerbated these past two years of a global pandemic.
I do believe some of the shifts have also created opportunities for healing. In my experience, the exacerbation of certain trauma means that we have been forced to confront and address it rather than continuing to white knuckle our way through it.
And yet there is still so much unhealed trauma, and new trauma layered daily at the systemic, institutional, interpersonal as well as internalized level.
Part of the work of diversity, equity and inclusion is to heal ourselves so that in our trauma, we are not causing further harm to ourselves or others.
It can be easy to focus on the trauma experienced by historically and systemically marginalized groups such as BIPOC folks. We believe that the way to heal that trauma is NOT to engage in a kind of “trauma porn” where the pain of others fuels our actions. Instead, we like to focus on the self-identified needs of those who are deeply impacted, while also taking the time for truth-telling and acknowledgement.
At the same time, white people in trauma can cause so much harm, due to what happens when trauma and power intersect, and not even have any awareness of it.
Unfortunately, what we have seen is that DEI work can often cause or exacerbate trauma for both white and BIPOC people although in different ways. We try to be very careful about this but in some ways it is hard to avoid. As women of color, we ourselves are putting ourselves up for retraumatization daily in our work. We try and resource ourselves as best as possible for this inevitability so that the net result is healing. This looks like therapy, coaching and support for ourselves as well as being mindful to practice the tools that we teach.
We are not therapists but we have consulted with therapists about how to take a trauma-informed approach.
One tool that has been helpful to me recently in both professional and personal situations is to “take five.”
When I feel my emotions rising, most often anger and hurt, it is often because past traumas and experiences are getting activated. My nervous system is not just responding to the present situation but is recalling past similar situations, sometimes from way back in childhood. A dynamic in a recent meeting suddenly brought back one of my earliest memories from pre-school that I hadn’t thought about in years.
Our reactions make complete sense within the context of the totality of our experiences, yet often we look like we are “over-reacting” because others don’t know the context. The result can be a kind of gaslighting where we question our sanity, reality and experiences even if that was not anyone’s intention.
When we “take five” we can take the time to manage our nervous systems, to breathe, to ground into the present moment and de-escalate ourselves so we are not reactive in the moment that causes more harm, which as I mentioned can be to ourselves as well as others.
When we react in trauma we are allowing ourselves to relive not just the trauma but the lack of support and healing from that trauma.
When we can take a moment to pause and interrupt the trauma response, we have the opportunity to take care of ourselves in that moment to heal in a way that we perhaps did not previously have the tools or resources or opportunity to do.
Processing the trauma in that moment with those who have re-activated it, however inadvertently, rarely feels safe or even possible, in my experience, not unless you have already done a lot of work to build brave safe space with this group.
And even then, processing while activated is rarely productive.
Instead what we can do is create a personal safety plan. Sometimes it can even help to write it down so when things become unmanageable, we have something to refer to.
A personal safety plan can include:
What will we do in the moment to take care of ourselves and regulate our nervous system?
What will we do once the moment has passed to create some safety for ourselves?
Here are some things that can help us to recognize when we are going into a stress or trauma response:
We might be breathing more quickly & heavily
We might feel our heart racing
We might experience a change in body temperature - cold & clammy or hot & flushed
Cognitive function & memory may be affected
We might feel the fight/flight/freeze/appease instinct
We might feel like we are going to burst into tears
A feelings thermometer, while often used as a tool with kids, can also be helpful for us as adults as a visual reminder to be mindful of when our feelings start to escalate so we can intervene before we explode out of control. I was recently caught off guard in a personal conversation where I suddenly found myself going rapidly from, let’s say a 4 to a 9.5, and it was only because I had recently listened to a couple of recordings of one of my co-facilitators, Malaika Aaron-Bishop, coaching clients on taking a breath, that I was able to “take five” and pull myself together before I exploded completely. I knew that exploding completely was only going to hurt myself, the other people in the conversation, and the situation itself. After the conversation, I called a friend and let it all out. I sobbed, I raged, I vented in a space where it was safe and ok to do so.
“Taking five” in order to calm our nervous system can look like:
Taking deep breaths
Doing a brief meditation or a body scan
Listening to soothing music
Stretching or massaging hands, neck, shoulders etc.
Splashing cold water on our face
Running in place for 30 seconds
Anything to engage the senses
Once the moment has passed, it is important to:
Take time to reflect and process
Write down or talk about what happened with someone who is safe - who, what, where, when, how (this is also a good anti-gaslighting measure)
How did it feel? How are we feeling now? Name our emotions
What coping and support resources do we have? Write down the people we know and trust that we can reach out to ahead of time
People we can reach out to when we need support might include:
Trusted colleagues and mentors (within or outside our organizations and communities)
Friends and family members
Therapist or other professionals with specific expertise
Communities of support - whether based on faith, spirituality, 12-step programs, professional affiliations or other interests
Crisis hotlines
Finally, we can advocate for our needs when we feel able:
Do our research and know where we stand
Focus on what we need to do our best work
Think about what we can change, can’t change and choose not to change
Articulate our needs - and know what we will do if they are not met
Banner photo by Jeroen Bendeler on Unsplash
Self-coaching for DEI Advocates and Leaders
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