Do not give up your power by depending on others changing
Last week I talked about how we can get creative about meeting our needs.
That said, I still hit a wall of frustration this week about all of our needs that are not getting met.
I can't really think of anyone in the world right now whose needs are getting met, although obviously there are vast disparities in how this global pandemic is impacting different people, due to systemic inequities that have always been present but perhaps were previously easier to ignore (and still easy for some to ignore).
What helped me shift out of self-pity and despair was to focus on the ways in which I could meet my needs, rather than all of the ways that other people or the current circumstances were failing to meet my needs.
It reminded me of something my team and I talk about a lot in our DEI workshops, especially to the most impacted and frustrated and demoralized and skeptical staff who have every right and very good reason to feel the way they do:
Do not give up your power by depending on others changing.
It's a tough one to get our minds around. Often we feel powerless because we are powerless - and quite deliberately and systemically so, by design.
But the thing is, however powerless we are, we are not powerless over everything, and believing that we are is exactly what systemic oppression wants us to believe.
Instead, we do not have to participate in our own self-erasure - we can connect to our agency. We do in fact have choices, even if they are not great ones.
We can acknowledge the hurt. We can set boundaries. We can rally support.
Not depending on others doesn't mean not asking for or accepting help.
It doesn’t mean not holding people accountable for their actions.
It means not giving up agency.
It means focusing on what we can do for ourselves.
Currently, things may feel very far from ideal, even for those of us with many many privileges. We can be grateful for the privileges while acknowledging the challenges and frustrations and taking into our own hands the things that we can.
This made all the difference for me this week. I hope it helps you too.
Join me for a free weekly email check-in that will bring you some extra support and accountability. Sign up here.
Banner photo by Rodion Kutsaev on Unsplash.