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Early in the pandemic, literally in the first month, a friend shared with me something that was really helping them during that time of global uncertainty, which was that “I don’t have to know what to do next.”
Somehow, over time, and through this pandemic, this has morphed in my mind into:
I don’t know what will happen next.
Read MoreAbortion rights under attack, a formula shortage, covid rates rising again with almost 1 million dead in the US, and this past weekend, another deadly racist massacre by a white supremacist domestic terrorist... all differing outcomes of similar systemic root causes. Knowing it's the system working exactly as designed doesn't make it hit any less hard though.
I’ve been catching up with Brene Brown podcast episodes from the past few months and one thing she keeps saying is “people are not ok.” I appreciate that framing. I don’t think I’m any more or less ok than anyone else. Which is to say that I’m more ok than some and less ok than others.
I think that collectively we are not ok.
Read MoreI won’t lie - I’m tired, although it comes in waves, and it’s hard to know if its from covid or just... all this. Burnout is coming up with some of our clients too, especially those on the frontlines of putting DEI to practice in their organizations. The work is tiring, and it can be hard to pinpoint what exactly is exhausting us the most.
I think, to some extent, it doesn’t really matter, or if you need an answer but can’t figure it out, it is probably all of the above. Figuring out the source can be helpful, but only to a degree, because what if we can’t change the source?
Read MoreI've also been thinking a lot about the systemic and intergenerational roots of trauma, hyper-vigilance, anxiety, over-responsibility and depression.
I am becoming more and more aware of how, as women of color, we are socialized to make ourselves over-responsible for.... everything. And we don’t just make ourselves over-responsible - we are made over-responsible, used as workhorses while being undermined, dismissed, devalued and uncredited.
And those of us with kids in a pandemic are not ok.
Read MoreThings are so much better than they were for my family now that the kids are settled back into in-person school. That they are thriving seems like a miracle, and with my younger son just a few weeks away from being fully vaccinated, there is the sense that I can exhale just a little bit.
And yet, with the exhale comes the grief, multi-layered. Waves and waves of it, especially, ironically, at the weekend when there is more space for it.
It can be easy to numb ourselves through a variety of means, including throwing ourselves into work. The danger is that grief unnamed can come out sideways to exacerbate power differentials and systems of oppression.
Read MorePretty much everyone I know is exhausted. There is still a pandemic, yet we're pushing forward with school and many office re-openings as though everything is normal.
Even for those of us in best case scenarios where we are seeing our kids come back to life again with regards to learning, the transition has been hard and a HUGE cognitive load.
Read MoreI feel like I'm seeing the power of inclusion - where you feel a sense of belonging and acceptance for who you are and not because you are working hard to fit in - play out in front of my eyes in real time with my own kids.
I see how much difference just a little bit of psychological safety can make. We see it in our client organizations too.
Read MoreEmotional exhaustion and burnout is real and has a disproportionate impact on women, BIPOC and others who face systemic challenges.
Honestly, I don't think I've ever felt more emotionally exhausted, and getting more sleep doesn't help.
So it was that Brene Brown's podcast interview with authors of the book "Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle" resonated deeply and also provided insights and practical strategies for dealing with stress, even when we have no control over the stressors.
Read more about my takeaways, then go listen to the podcast episode, then go read the book!
Read MoreI'm feeling very fortunate to have shifted into what feels like a new phase of quarantine. It feels like my brain is working again and wow, what a relief!
Read MoreWhat has helped me to shift out of self-pity and despair has been to focus on the ways in which I can meet my needs, rather than all of the ways that other people or the current circumstances are failing to meet my needs.
It has reminded me of how we give up our power when we depend on others changing.
It doesn’t mean that we don’t need to hold people accountable, but that we can do so while still staying connected to our agency.
Read MoreIt's so interesting to me how so many of the people who are quarantined alone are suffering from isolation, and so many who are quarantined with family, especially with young kids, are suffering from a lack of alone time.
For some of us, the way we happen to be quarantined aligns better with our personality preferences than others.
And of course, some of us do not have the luxury or privilege of being quarantined at all.
Read MoreThe other day, someone shared with me that something they have learned, and that they've been practicing during this time, is: "I don't have to know what to do next."
Although I have known this for a while, it really hit me in the gut all over again. A sense of relief washed over me. I felt my entire body, heart, and soul exhale.
Are you holding on tightly to the idea that you have to have all the answers right now?
Read MoreHow I’m finding breathing space, and my podcast interview on Second Breaks with Lou Blaser: How Our Values and Natural Preferences Help Us in Times of Disruption
Read MoreI won't lie, it's been a rough week for me. I suspect it has been for many of us. I went to a dark place but today I had an aha moment that is helping me to feel better than I have all week.
Read MoreWhat if we could shift the ways in which we have been socialized to think and behave, and adjust to having our kids around not as a disruption but as a re-integration?
An article on "Traditional Indigenous Kinship Practices at Home: Being Child-Centered During the Pandemic" gave me a completely new perspective.
Read More
