Getting creative about meeting needs
It's so interesting to me how so many of the people who are quarantined alone are suffering from isolation, and so many who are quarantined with family, especially with young kids, are suffering from a lack of alone time.
For some of us, the way we happen to be quarantined aligns better with our personality preferences than others.
And of course, some of us do not have the luxury or privilege of being quarantined at all.
For most of us who are following guidelines, we don't have a choice.
What I've found though is that I can get creative.
I fall into the category of "quarantined with young kids and suffering from lack of alone time." Even as an extrovert, and in particular because my kids are even more extroverted than I am, I've had to experiment with different ways of "being alone" and I've had varying degrees of success.
I can shut the door to my home office (no one cares).
I can take a phone call in the car while parked outside our house, or just sit there and listen to music (tried that the other day but it was just too cold).
I can stay up late after everyone is asleep (but then I don't feel great the next day).
I can wake up early when everyone is asleep (also eating into rest time).
I've had to accept that I am not alone. I don't have alone time.
But a couple of things this week have helped create some space within the not-aloneness.
First, I started a new knitting project. I became obsessed with knitting while waiting to have kids, and while since then, I've had a lot less time for it, it has in the past few years been a great way to spend time at the playground now my kids don't need constant supervision, but still interrupt me enough that reading a book feels futile. So too is it working right now - it's a way I can be present and with my family while also doing something for myself that is tactile and visually stimulating and creative in that I am literally making something.
The other thing that I have started to do is play a soundtrack of ocean waves on our bluetooth stereo speakers which I have commandeered for my desk. I had been doing this via headphones, but the experience from the speakers is entirely different. I can let the sound of the waves wash over me and create a feeling of spaciousness for myself while still being able to keep an ear out for when my kids need help.
I'm also realizing that my kids' social needs are not being met either (this thread was helpful) - for them, they are not getting enough social interaction, and so they are turning to me to meet a lot more of their social needs than usual. We've tried some different things, and they do chat with their friends daily, but one way for me to feel like there is less of an onslaught is to figure out other creative ways to meet their needs.
Different things will work for different people who are trying to meet different needs that are currently not being met in the old pre-pandemic ways.
What I've found is key is to accept the current reality (which, as always, doesn't mean you have to like it) and then to figure out ways to work with it rather than try to fight against it.
And also, remember, we don't have to know what to do next. We also don't have to know what will happen next. And sometimes, if we are open, and if we can let go a little, certain things can unfold in better ways than we could possibly have imagined, even amidst so much pain and suffering.
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