Navigating unsteady ground: honoring your needs in times of change
I know that we’ve all been holding a lot of mixed feelings these past couple weeks. You may be somewhere on the spectrum of grief, openness, protection, anxiety, and hope. Finding yourself in that nebulous place where the ground feels unsteady can be difficult, and especially hard to navigate as you show up to work and are expected to do well.
I’m LaVoya Woods (ve/ver)—but you can call me V. I’m the Director of Trauma-Informed Methodologies at CCI, and I’m honored to bring my voice to this space alongside Alethea’s. This post marks the start of a new series called The Deep End, where I’ll be sharing insights monthly from my own perspective as a Black, Queer, Trans Non-Binary, Neurodiverse, Disabled leader navigating complex systems and supporting folks in recovery and transformation.
In these posts, you’ll find a trauma-informed lens on the sticky, sometimes uncomfortable, but incredibly rewarding aspects of DEIB work: the moments that call us to psychological deep-diving, the bits we dredge up, and the bright moments that emerge as we grow and change.
I find myself persistently moved by the ripple effects that DEIB work creates in other parts of our lives. When we do the work of decolonizing, grief, recovery, and dreaming in our professional spaces, it often flows into our personal lives, reshaping our perspectives, our relationships, and even the ways we see and hold space for ourselves.
In our work, we often and intentionally invite people to reflect on their needs. For many, this can be a challenging question, especially for those who’ve been conditioned to disregard their needs—whether through systemic oppression, family dynamics, or workplace culture. The truth is, most of us carry some inner conflict about having our needs met. Some of us may have even been so deeply harmed that we’ve come to believe it’s safer not to have needs at all.
But here’s a secret from a former therapist…
Our relationship to our needs is at the core of doing our best work, of being our most aligned selves, of co-creating the big impactful change that we want to see in the world.
As I’ve been known to say, self-care is collective care.
And I know this part of the journey isn’t easy—especially for those of you leading others through change and the tough realities we are facing on a national and global scale. There are many tangible and psychological barriers to being able to see our needs clearly, let alone meet them.
To be honest, I wasn’t always good at meeting my own needs. People sometimes assume I’ve always been this grounded and calm. But the truth is, I’ve had to wrestle with and recover from the chronic self-neglect and abandonment that dominant culture conditions us to accept. It’s taken a deep commitment—more time and energy than I ever imagined—to truly listen to all the parts of me: body, mind, heart, inner child, and former selves. In order to move from surviving to thriving I’ve had to dream up new, expansive ways of seeing myself, ways that are kind and true, to counter the violent messages I’m met with every day.
In other words, I’ve learned to love myself in proportion to the violence I endure.
This commitment has expanded my capacity to show up for work that aligns with my values. So, I’ll ask you: Do you have what you need today? What would help you determine that?
There’s an ocean of ways to get support. Growing into a supportive network of care and community can help you unlearn patterns of self-neglect and abandonment.
Understanding and honoring your needs is not just a personal act—it’s a radical step toward building a life and work that truly reflect your values and vision.
Banner photo by James Francis on Unsplash
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