So much that goes unspoken
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much there is that goes unspoken. It comes up a lot in our DEI work with client organizations.
When things go unspoken, we rely on socialization for a common understanding.
We also rely on a homogenous or dominant culture where everyone is socialized into the same norms. If you don’t understand or follow the unspoken norms, you’re excluded.
A lot of the work of assimilation, that is, of fitting into a dominant culture, is figuring out the unspoken norms.
And when norms are unspoken, it is much easier for them to become invisible, unchallenged, and unchanging.
There is an over-reliance on assumptions, which can result in misunderstandings and harm, especially across power differentials.
It is also much easier to say one thing and mean another, or to say it and mean it but to default to the actions that align with the old unspoken norms that perpetuate the status quo.
Part of the work of shifting culture towards equity and inclusion then is in making the invisible visible, in speaking the unspoken.
As James Baldwin said, and as we at CCI seem to keep repeating:
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced” - James Baldwin
This isn’t just about truth telling, although it does include truth telling.
However, it is also about speaking the unspoken norms.
What are the old/current unspoken norms? And what are the new norms that we are co-creating together that will support equity and inclusion?
Without making our new and shifting expectations of each other explicit, and without constantly and collectively modeling and reinforcing those behaviors, everyone is left in the messy middle of uncertainty. Decades of conditioning and a reward system built on those old behaviors won’t go away overnight.
It requires showing AND telling.
It also requires feedback loops.
Here’s what it might look like:
Understanding self-identified needs, especially from those most impacted by systems of oppression from across an organization
Brainstorming on actions and behavior shifts to meet those needs, including feedback and input from those most impacted
Communicating - we identified these needs, and so these are the actions and behavior shifts we are going to make to meet those needs
Modeling and reinforcing those actions and behaviors - remember when we said we were going to do x, y and z? Let’s talk about where x, y and z has happened, and also where it hasn’t yet.
Getting feedback - has x, y and z helped create an impact that meets the needs that were identified? What is working? What do we need to adjust and iterate on?
And so it goes in a cycle.
Another exercise that is helpful in teams might go as follows:
What are the old/current unspoken norms that create our team’s culture and standards of behavior?
What is working? What isn’t working? What needs are being met and what needs are unmet?
What do we want the team’s culture to shift towards? Why? What needs would that meet?
What are the new norms for actions and behavior that would help create that culture?
Let’s agree to model and reinforce these actions and behaviors through regular check-ins at our team meetings. Where are we seeing these actions and behaviors being practiced? Where is there opportunity for improvement? Is it creating the impact we desire, to meet the needs we identified? What do we need to adjust and iterate on?
Change can be frightening and disorienting for people, even for those who stand to gain the most from the change. Making shifts in norms explicit and giving people a chance to voice their concerns, give input, and practice, understanding that the shifts won’t happen overnight, can be part of a change management process that grounds and orients everyone. This can help to keep people out of the kind of fear that, ironically, may shut them down further and make it harder for them to be part of the change.
Banner photo by Kyryl Levenets on Unsplash
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