Diversity should not be your first or only metric of success
We’ve been talking about this for years actually. In fact, one of our running “jokes” is that organizations often come to us thinking we are “D consultants” and forgetting the “E” and the “E” or any of the other letters that might be included like “J” or “B.”
The fact is, this field did start out with “diversity consultants” so it is not entirely surprising those expectations linger.
We now make it a practice of being very explicit up front that this is NOT who we are.
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“No judgement”
You ask for no judgement when talking about race.
But when you lined us up on the auction block and determined our monetary value, when you bought us and sold us and traded us like livestock, was there no judgement?
When you spat at us, slurred racial epithets and told us to go back to China, was there no judgement?
When you chanted “build that wall” or profiled us as terrorists, was there no judgement?
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Entitlement as a form of learned helplessness
There is a phenomenon that I’ve been thinking about both in personal and professional contexts.
It’s when entitlement leads to a certain kind of helplessness, ignorance, incompetence or even misconduct.
For example, it’s when someone, usually a man, “doesn’t know how to cook” even though they would have been quite capable of learning if they’d ever had to, rather than lived their entire lives expecting and having others (women) to cook for them.
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Slowing down to speed up
We talk a lot with our clients about slowing down to speed up.
Spoiler alert: it’s a little bit of a brain hack because ideally the goal isn’t to speed up at all, at least not purely for the sake of speeding up.
However, we are so deeply socialized into the idea that “progress is bigger/more” and into a “sense of urgency” that the idea of slowing down seems so deeply impossible, ill-advised, and unsafe to the point of being ludicrous.
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Four principles for trauma-informed communication
A few weeks ago, I wrote about how everyone is traumatized.
To be human is to be, to some degree, traumatized - that has not changed.
Nor has the fact that marginalized communities have long been living with the impact of intergenerational, historical and systemic as well as individual trauma.
What has changed is that we have ALL - globally - been through the collective trauma of the pandemic at a scale unprecedented in the span of our careers.
For leaders, this means understanding, expecting and accounting for the fact that we and our workforce, while not all equally traumatized, are all traumatized.
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The “no work” work retreat - how it went
Last week I shared about some of the planning and lead-up into our No Work Work Retreat. Today I want to talk about how it actually went.
First of all, I want to note that we weren't calling it a No Work Work Retreat before the retreat. This was more something that only started to come to my awareness in the last few days before the retreat, and it wasn’t until afterwards that I reflected on the experience of the retreat and the feedback from the team and I realized how radical it was.
What was important and radical was that we, CCI, paid not just for that time for people to rest and recover, but we also took care of expenses and logistics in order for us to do no work.
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The “no work” work retreat - planning
Last week, I talked about vacationing and how our team retreat set me up for one of the best vacations I’ve ever had.
So, about that retreat - the “no work” work retreat. How did we plan it?
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What does vacationing have to do with DEI?
There are hard things going on in the world right now (when are there not?) which makes rest and recuperation more important than ever, especially for those of us actively working towards equity, inclusion, justice and healing.
I’ve been thinking about this as I just got back from a week’s vacation and I think I’ve discovered the secret to vacationing, at least for me right now.
And by “discovered” what I mean is that we have intentionally planned and designed and iterated on this over many years.
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Every memory hurts. Everyone is traumatized.
My computer has a screen saver that shows a dynamic array of all my favorite photos, which are mostly of my kids over the years. My 15 year old is now significantly taller than me, and my 12 year old soon will be.
Seeing their smiles and little bodies from past years brings me so much joy. These photos capture priceless memories that are some of my most treasured.
And yet at the same time, every memory hurts.
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Being brave about transparency
I’ve been thinking more about transparency, and how it is related to authenticity. Why is authenticity so hard, especially across difference? Why is it often in the parts of our identity where we align with dominant culture that we struggle more to be authentic, at least in diverse spaces?
We often hear about fear from folks in the privileged aspects of their identity. White folks, for example, are often afraid of “saying the wrong thing” in discussions about race, or of “taking up too much space” or “causing harm.” This is not a bad thing, per se, but when it causes people to clam up or retreat it can further erode safety.
When we are afraid, transparency is often the last thing we want to lean into. We are socialized into conflict avoidance.
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Acceptance is not endorsement
We’ve been talking and thinking a lot about change recently, both within the team at CCI and with our clients. DEI is, to us, inherently about change, not for the sake of change, but in order to shift towards equity and inclusion.
Change work, however, by necessity involves grief work, which by necessity involves acceptance work.
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Transparency can create more trust than it prevents
People and orgs tend to shy away from transparency out of fear of opening themselves up for critique or creating distrust.
However, what I've experienced and observed is that lack of transparency itself creates more distrust than it prevents. People tend to have a sense for when they are being lied to, gaslit, or handled, even if they can't necessarily put a finger on it.
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Goals we can control
Try this - think about three things that would make the rest of your day great. Jot them down on a piece of paper or a note on your phone or computer.
Now, take a look at them and consider, how many of the things you wrote down are completely within your control?
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Patience as a catalyst for change
People often think that DEI work is about race - at its most demonized, the misconception is that it’s about making white people believe they and the US are inherently racist. At its best it is often thought to be about how to hire more Black and other people of color so that the staff is more reflective of the communities they serve.
It is absolutely not the former, and the latter is only a very small part.
I’m not even sure I knew it when I started out, but what I’ve come to find is that, for me at least, DEI work is about healing - healing from the trauma and harm of systems of oppression.
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Creating psychological safety for ourselves
At Co-Creating Inclusion, one of the questions we constantly ask ourselves, each other, and our clients is - do you have what you need to do your best work?
Psychological safety is a key factor.
This doesn’t mean we can’t do really great work without it - let’s face it, workplaces are typically not psychologically safe for most.
But the cost of doing work without psychological safety is significant, both to employees and the organizations they work for. I often think of the lost untapped potential that impacts us all.
But what can folks do if they identify that they are lacking in psychological safety?
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The Mask You Live In (documentary)
The Mask You Live In (available for viewing here) is a powerful documentary that explores how boys and men “struggle to stay true to themselves while negotiating America’s narrow definition of masculinity
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What do feelings have to do with DEI?
Feelings. Complicated. Messy. Awkward. Inconvenient. Subjective. Unprofessional.
One of the things we find ourselves doing as a result is creating space for feelings in our DEI work. And then people comment on what an awkward transition that is coming in from other workspaces.
The point is not that DEI spaces are spaces where you can have your feelings. What do feelings even have to do with DEI?
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The work of healing
There is so much magic in creating a space for people to speak and be heard. It’s not always pretty. It’s often uncomfortable. But I find such relief and healing in truth telling… in a world where we are socialized to do anything but.
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Equity can feel “unfair” to those who already have advantages
The support that other folks need that we don’t can feel unfair because that support is very visible, whereas the support that comes to us in our privileged identities is often invisible, especially when that advantage often comes in the form of a lack of obstacles and barriers.
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Work and life, an integration
One of the things I’ve found so fascinating about parenting is how relevant the lessons learned are to work life and vice versa. I love being able to bring all aspects of my identify and self to all aspects of my life.
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