We write weekly on the issues that are top of mind for us as we do the work of driving equity, shifting culture and co-creating inclusion with our clients. To receive these posts via email, join our free weekly email series, Self-coaching for DEI advocates and leaders.
Something that people often find unexpected about DEI work is that sooooooo much of it is about feedback.
And one of the things we have come to say with quite a bit of frequency, thanks to Malaika, is that feedback is a gift, even if you don’t like the wrapping paper.
Read MoreI’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much there is that goes unspoken. It comes up a lot in our DEI work with client organizations. When things go unspoken, we rely on socialization for a common understanding. We also rely on a homogenous or dominant culture where everyone is socialized into the same norms. If you don’t understand or follow the unspoken norms, you’re excluded. A lot of the work of assimilation, that is, of fitting into a dominant culture, is figuring out the unspoken norms.
And when norms are unspoken, it is much easier for them to become invisible, unchallenged, and unchanging.
Read MoreNYC high school admissions season has begun. For those of you unfamiliar with this process, it’s a unique and “interesting” opportunity to get up close and personal with one of the most segregated school systems in the country - I’m talking about the public school system but of course, the way it interfaces with the private school system is part of what makes it so segregated.
Read MoreStaff, usually those least aligned with power and privilege whether because of their identity, position in the organization, or both, are often expected to carry a heavy workload without appropriate compensation or support, and they are expected to do so with little complaint or pushback either.
The assumption is that they will work miracles with little time, money or other resources. Those who raise concerns about unrealistic expectations or lack of resources risk being characterized as “not a team player” or “divisive” or a “troublemaker” or they are blamed for being poor performers. Meanwhile, those with more privilege, usually white men, are the first ones to get money and other resources thrown at them to fix crises that they are rarely held accountable for.
Read MoreWe often hear about the damaging impact of silence from staff more deeply impacted by systems of oppression within our client organizations. Silence equates to lip service, failed allyship, cowardice, lack of engagement, lack of caring, lack of commitment, lack of safety, leaving the burden of the work to those less aligned with power and more.
Read MoreSummer vacation already seems like a far away dream, but having gone into August with the intention of vacationing differently, I wanted to make sure I reported back before it receded into the distance altogether.
Read MoreA pattern that we often see with our client organizations is where those more proximate to institutional power seem to “personalize” feedback from those less proximate to power. This is a form of defensiveness where feedback from staff, usually given in good faith and not meant as an attack, although often not with frustration, pain and anger, is experienced by leadership as a personal attack.
Read MoreIt is interesting to me how defensiveness functions in an environment where the goal is to shift towards equity and inclusion. Defensiveness is a natural and human reaction, but it often functions in the exact opposite way than we intend and would like.
Perhaps within a hierarchical environment, defensiveness helps us maintain power by shutting down feedback or criticism that feels like an attack. We maintain credibility and trust by being able to shoot down other perspectives, thus proving ourselves to be “right.” In academia, you are expected to literally defend your thesis. It’s a pretty standard format in debate, courts of law, art school critiques and… well, pretty much everything.
Read MoreEvery year at Co-Creating Inclusion, we take the month of August as a break from external meetings and facilitation in order to prioritize our own strategic planning, professional development and self-care. We do the same for the last week of every month (February, April, June, October and December). We also tried to hold Wednesdays and Fridays from 9am-2pm EDT as “slack and meeting free time” although we do make exceptions when needed.
Read MoreLeaders are often “visionaries” and “change makers” by definition. They have a vision for something that is different than currently exists, and they have the drive to make that vision a reality.
Not every leader is suited to driving change towards equity and inclusion however.
Read MoreI have not historically considered myself to be a particularly anxious person. Have I always carried fear with me in ways I may not even have realized at the time? Absolutely.
But I’ve fought the socialization and expectation to stay small and quiet. Perhaps it’s the extrovert/external processor in me but the impetus to speak, and to speak the truth, has been strong.
These past few years in the pandemic, though, seem to have brought out an anxiety in me that feels superimposed and unwelcome, and I know I’m not the only one.
Read MoreRage.
Rage for me is a sense of helplessness, of banging my head against a wall, of having arguments in my head with people who are not present.
Rage for me is a kind of insanity internalized from living in a deranged world.
Rage often comes from the kind of systemic gaslighting, the hypocrisy and audacity of trying to pretend that being anti-abortion is about being pro-life. That it is about babies, or some kind of religious or moral high ground, when clearly it is not.
Read MoreMany of us, especially those who are “professionally” successful, have been trained to be perfectionists, over-achievers, and fixers.
If there is a problem, our immediate reaction is to ask - how do we fix this?
We see this all the time when we do DEI and culture work with organizations. At the end of our initial discovery phase we present our findings, and the desire to react with solutions, actions, next steps, and a resolution is so deeply engrained, it creates a palpable kind of fix-it itchiness in the room.
Read MoreA question that often comes up, especially from our non-profit clients, is on how to retain valuable BIPOC employees so they don’t leave for better paying opportunities elsewhere.
While race and class are not necessarily inextricably intertwined, the history in this country means that a huge racial wealth gap continues to be pervasive, and BIPOC folks, particularly Black people, face inter-generational systemic marginalization that means they are least likely to be able to afford being under-compensated.
What is an organization to do, particular a non-profit where funds might be tight all round?
Read MoreIn our work at CCI, we hear a lot from organizations who are very earnestly and firmly committed to DEI and racial justice as a concept but are lacking the commitment to it as a practice.
As with any decision, committing to it is only the first step. In fact, it shouldn’t even really be the first step if you don’t actually have any idea what you are committed to DOING.
Read MoreIn 1705, a Virginia law was passed requiring masters to provide white male servants whose indentured time was up with 50 acres of land, 30 shillings,10 bushels of corn and a musket.
Whose land were they given? Why was a musket deemed a necessary part of the deal?
Read MoreAbortion rights under attack, a formula shortage, covid rates rising again with almost 1 million dead in the US, and this past weekend, another deadly racist massacre by a white supremacist domestic terrorist... all differing outcomes of similar systemic root causes. Knowing it's the system working exactly as designed doesn't make it hit any less hard though.
I’ve been catching up with Brene Brown podcast episodes from the past few months and one thing she keeps saying is “people are not ok.” I appreciate that framing. I don’t think I’m any more or less ok than anyone else. Which is to say that I’m more ok than some and less ok than others.
I think that collectively we are not ok.
Read MoreThe messy middle is… messy.
And it’s uncomfortable.
We’re generally not used to letting things sit unresolved. We are socialized to fix things. We are rewarded for fixing things. But sometimes, rushing in to fix things doesn’t actually fix things. Sometimes it is when we are in urgency or scarcity that we cause the most harm.
Read MoreI’ve had this blog post brewing in my head for a while, since before I read Ijeoma Oluo’s piece “We have the right to not be annoyed” where this passage hit home:
Y’all (the white people out of pocket in my comments and DMs) keep thinking that this is all for you.
The books, the talks, the work - all of it is for you. You are sure that I and others who write and speak on race wake up every day and think, “how can I help white people today?” I’m not being facetious. You really do view us, in our anti-racist work and in our very existence, as “the help.”
Oooof, yeah this hit home.
Read MoreA friend shared some wisdom a coach had shared with her once - some wounds are not ours to heal.
This stuck with me because for the longest time, I thought ALL wounds were mine to heal.
I’ve become very conscious of how women of color, and especially Black women, are socialized to taken on everyone’s emotional burdens and healing except our own, when really the only wounds that are ours to heal are our own.
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